Boom, Boom!

First Post:
John Prescott was late for a Labour Party campaign meeting.
"Sorry, Tony," he said, huffing and puffing as he burst through the door.
"I let the missus drive one of the Jags and she went straight over a glass bottle.
We ended up having to stop and change a tyre."
"Puncture?" enquired Blair.
"No," replied Prescott, "but I should have."
*
Dr Jones had been feeling guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. Still, every once in a while, he'd hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him: "Jones, don't worry about it. You aren't the first guy to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Jones... you're a vet."
*
Boris Johnson is sitting in his Westminster office one morning with his glamorous researcher. After discussing a number of legislative issues, the girl asks, "What do you want to do about the abortion bill?" "Well," says Boris, "I suppose we ought to pay it."
*
WANTED: Tattoo removal, due to impending prison sentence. See specifications here.