Victoria Wood - Let's Do It

I can't believe I haven't posted this before. It's classic Victoria Wood comedy.

.. and also from the Victoria Wood show - Susie Blake continuity announcer

More Here:

THE CHAV NATIVITY

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked.She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper.I never bin wiv no one!'So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.'Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah?To have her bay-bee an' that.But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh?Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees.You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you thinkI'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref,an' Jesus turns water into Stella.HAPPY CHRISTMAS

The Blame Game

Anybody wanting to hear the joke mentioned here (in it's original form) can listen here: and more besides. It's a half hour program with a regular panel of comics joined by special guests and a live studio audience to debate the issues of the day, including 'The Ulster Scots Language', 'The Causeway Visitor Centre', 'Edwin Poots', 'Gerry Adams', 'Rampant Rodents', 'The Rhythm Method', 'The Dalai Lama' and 'The Belfast Eye'.

If you want to here the Wendy Austin interview with Mervyn Storey on Good Morning Ulster as discussed on Smelly Wardrobes then click here, select the Tuesday 23rd October broadcast and fast forward to 1hr 20mins.

How do you pronounce Himalayas - listen to thought for the day (just after the above interview) - I always thought it was Him-a-lay-as but Rev Ernest Grey pronounces it Him-mal-yas !!!!

Does anybody know the name of Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter?

Yes, that's correct, it's Apple. The only reason I know that is because I was watching stand up comedy from Edinburgh last night and an Irish comedienne (Deirdre something) made a joke about it. Deirdre Something's almost as bad as Apple (c: )

Deirdre said 'did the parents not sit down and discuss the ramifications of naming a child Apple?'
'If she turns out to be obese she will be called the big Apple, if she is sexually active she will be known as Apple tart and if she contracts a sexual disease then she will be crab Apple !!'

Obscene phone call

In 1969, Lily Tomlin joined the sketch comedy show Laugh-In. Her characters from the show have been associated with her throughout her career, including the gum-chewing, wisecracking, snorting telephone operator Ernestine and the bratty five-year-old Edith Ann, rocking in her oversized rocking chair and making rude noises.